Maybe I Just Need a Little Muzak…..

Okay….I saw that sneer. I heard that “Are you kidding me?” I detected that guffaw and loud groan. And if you are asking, “What is ‘Muzak’ then you better bypass this blog. It is time sensitive and your time has never known such a classic as ‘Muzak’. Okay….so perhaps calling it a classic is pushing it.

For those of you who are too young to remember Muzak or too old to remember much of anything, let me enlighten you. MUZAK (myoo-zak), was recorded background music that was played in public places such as offices, stores, waiting rooms. Also known as elevator music. It was lyric-free, and probably was the scourge of every recorded artist that heard their hit song as a Muzak marvel. Which begs the question: why do I think I need a return of Muzak?

Simple. Muzak was calming to me. And also to the voices inside my head. There….I said it before you did. But really, my life is noisy and busy. My brain is cluttered, creative to a fault, and I have been likened to a kindergartener on Red Bull, as I am a tad bit random. And amidst all of these neural firings, my memory stick is a bit wobbly. So, I visualize, forget, dream, remember, question that process and begin again. And I wander, meander, and amble until I finally retrieve that detail I cannot remember. Like….why did I walk into this room? Who left the water running? Since I live alone, that answer doesn’t take much higher-level thinking skills. My mental clutter has turned me into a cranial hoarder of unimportant and goofy things, laced in real life calamities. I’m a mess.

Now…if I could have some soothing, boring, uncomplicated music perhaps my life would become a nice, placid melody. Okay, so it won’t fix my clogged drain, or my rejected federal tax forms, or mow the grass. But maybe the drone of Neil Diamond’s ‘Sweet Caroline’,  recorded bland as cornstarch, just might be the ticket. A nice tune coming over the airways of my chaotic life would surely bring me an internal calmness. And possibly, world peace.

Muzak is my answer…..I just know it. Tunes without the words and complications of the day. Audio oatmeal. No thought-provoking NPR, no straining to get that hook lyric, just noise that soothes the soul.

You’re not buying it. Sigh. Well, I just think that we all need our own little respite in the information/high tech/me me/twitter and quitter/text-mex/and all the other crazies that create such mental and physical woes. We are a busy planet and I am a “bear of little brain” who needs a nice, soothing soundtrack to balance out my day. Muzak is my choice of solace. Finding it on my radio dial would be stellar.  Oh yes! And movie theaters should print out a list of all the actors playing the voice parts of every animated film. This should be federal law. I cannot enjoy my buttery popcorn wondering if the snowman was dubbed by Beyonce or if the daddy’s voice was really Steve Martin. Why, yes, that was a random comment that really did not belong in this paragraph.

Nothing that a little Muzak couldn’t fix.