So today my kid was yelling at her kid. And this kid is glad she is neither kid. Follow that? Let me take you back to those lovely moments when we see our offspring going off on their offspring. Here is my ‘fly on the wall’ observation of the exchange. Perhaps you will find yourself some place in this dialogue.
The Mom: “Look at me when I am yelling at you!!”
The Mom’s Real Thought: “Actually, I don’t want you to look at me because I don’t want to look at you. What I’d like to be looking at is a 16 ounce bottle of red wine.”
The Mom: “If you act like this in school, you will spend your whole day in the principal’s office!”
The Mom’ s Real Thought:”And if she likes you that much she can take you home and raise you. Guardianship papers are in your backpack, dude.”
The Mom:”I am SO sick of your smart mouth!!”
The Mom’s Real Thought: “I am even SO sick of your dumb mouth. In fact, I loathe the days I taught you to speak with that mouth! I should have just regarded it as a hole for nutrition and left it at that.”
The Mom: “And another thing. Quit teasing your little brother!”
The Mom’s Real Thought:”I wish your little brother was an only child. Then I would not be having this familial face-off.”
The Mom: “And your attitude had better improve!”
The Mom’s Real Thought: “Attitude….what is it with this kid? I never acted like this.”
The Mom of the Mom: “Oh yes you did. And you did tease your little brother and you did have a smart mouth from time to time and —oh you better look at me while I’m talking to you! And you DID end up in the principal’s office once upon a time. Just saying. But the justice I am experiencing is better than any bottle of red wine. Or is it whine? Well, I’m leaving now.”
The Mom:”Can I go with you? Please? I’ll be good…”
The Mom of the Mom: “No dear. You must stay put until the youngest is about eighteen. Have fun with that.”
I sure hope those boys survive. And that she does, too.
Hey…you better wipe that smile off your face if you know what’s good for you!