Dumb things happen. And usually I am the cause of it. But there have been some unnatural anomalies in my house for which I cannot take credit. But home ownership is not a day at Disney. I have odd occurrences at my address.
Like my door knobs. My door knobs seem to disengage from doors quite regularly. I am missing two as I write, and the one on the front door is ‘iffy’. It came off before and I had to actually tell the visitor to please open the door from their side as I had no knob on mine. Kinda embarrassing. Unless it’s the Jehovah Witness folks, and then I consider it Divine interference. Or intervention.
The kitchen door knob was manually removed by my youngest son via a meat cleaver, after my son-in-law talked him through the proper steps via Smart Phone to take said door knob off, well smartly! The meat cleaver won. Not sure of the whole “I’m locked out” story on that one, and I will say my boy is very non-violent. But Grandma’s meat cleaver? That sucker was on there pretty good. It has been said that I have door knob demons. Now that’s different.
Another dilemma is that I now have two lights in which the light bulbs have broken down in the socket. And yes I have tried using the ‘Hints from Heloise’ potato trick to ease out the broken part. Nothing doing. Now I have a rotten potato in my overhead light. If we ever move from corn (ethanol) fuel to potatoes, I’m all set. Now…the cat knocked the lamp into the litter box so the second impaled broken bulb is her doing. Yep, that is how my Sunday started…fishing a lamp out of the litter box. Wonder what Billy Graham would say about that. Fishers of lamps?
And then there is the garbage disposal. It quit working. I truly thought that grinding up a broken glass, that had decided to hide in there, would truly sharpen the blades. Guess that only works with ice cubes. Anyway, it has put on it’s pouty face and won’t budge. Yes, I tried sticking the broom in there to turn the blades, but to no avail. I now have a broom sticking out of my sink. Oh just teasing you! But who knows? If it could happen, it would happen to me.
I think home ownership is overrated. You get a building that you stuff ‘stuff’ into and watch as it all gets old and broken. Wait! Am I talking about my house or me?? At any rate….it is one thing after another and it’s the little things that set my teeth on edge. I mean, propping my railing up with a rock is a pretty unique fix and bungee cording my flag to the porch is all-American ingenuity. And hey—all that without duct tape! But generally, things just seem to need fixing at every turn.
Tell you what. I am adjusting fine to lights that don’t have bulbs….creates a kind of ambiance. And the dogs are plum lucky that the disposal is on the fritz as they are eager to take those scraps off my hands…er plates. And door knobs? Well, you can just screw them back on. Or super glue them. Or…take a longer nap. Yeah, when my 5 year old grandson, Jack, was taking a nap here, I went in to check on him. He was awake, dressed, had put on his glasses, yet still in bed. When I inquired about why he hadn’t come out of Uncle Nick’s bedroom, he said, “I was trapped!” Therein, he pulled out a door knob from under the covers, which had decided to come off in his little hands.
Poor guy. I won’t tell him about the joys of home ownership just yet. But when the day comes, that kid is getting a lot of door knobs, light bulbs, and a broom for the garbage disposal. And we won’t tell him that if he was trapped in a house once, he is about to be again!
I’ll let Heloise fill him in on that one.
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