“But Your Honor….I was Just Singing in the Shower!”

I am a dreamer. Oh, not in that romantic, weepy, swooning, Coke commercial kind of dreamer way.

Well…now that I put it in print and re-read it, yeah, I am. But what I am trying to tell you is that I dream every night when I sleep. And I remember the dreams. All bazillion of them. I do believe this is the reason I awaken tired, with crazy hair, and the animals have fled my bed because they can’t take it anymore. If you really know me, this is no big news. You have already heard about my bizarre adventures during my night-night time. I think my sandman is on crack.

I also love to sing. And if I am a bad dreamer, I am even a badder singer.  (It’s my blog. My bad grammar. I am not in the classroom at the moment, so get over it).

How do I know I sing badly?  Well, folks let me tell you. When my four children were young, I would sing them lullabies. You know, lyrics from Broadway musicals, church songs, and holiday songs. My little ones would place their hands over their ears and beg, “Mommy, we promise we will go to sleep if you will stop singing.” I got the hint.

Which brings me to my bad singing and bad dreams.

I dreamt the other night that I was singing in my shower and a scary male person threw open the shower curtain and assaulted me. Suddenly, as dreams go, I was in the courtroom facing my assailant. The judge asked me to tell what happened on that fateful morning. I replied that I was taking a shower and singing. I saw the guy, freaked out, and remembered nothing after that.  The judge was peering at me and asked what I had been singing. I innocently responded that I was crooning, ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’.  She then asked me to sing a few measures.

Well, I’ll be darned. I had hardly gotten to the good part when she slammed down her gavel and bellowed, “CASE DISMISSED!”

What??? I had a bad dream that I sang so bad that the case was dismissed because the attacker had to be subjected to my vocals?

Where’s the justice in that?

Maybe tonight I will get a good night’s sleep and just stick to snoring.

That’s so much safer.